Wednesday, August 15, 2012

F is for Failure



Sometimes I feel like I fall short in everything I do.

Back in the day, I was an overachiever. I thrived on overextending myself. Somehow- in the last 13 years since High School- that has changed. These days, I don't overachieve. I don't even achieve most of the time.   I feel overwhelmed all. of. the. time. There is so much I want to do- but it all seems so difficult that I pretty much give up before I even start.

I want to lose weight yet I have no willpower (Have you noticed the lack of Weigh in Wednesday posts?)
I want to be great at my job yet I don't even like it enough to give it my full attention when I can.
I want to be the perfect Mom yet my kids are stuck at work with me every day where I can only give them little bits of attention.
I want to be a great wife yet I am constantly bickering with my husband.
I want to have a lovely house yet I can barely find time to finish one load of laundry.

I can't seem to get it together lately. I always feel so tired. Is it laziness? Is it normal? I'm not sure how to fix it. I want to get back to the way things used to be. I want to be a more current version of the straight A student I used to be.
I'd love to get back to looking like this- and I thought I was fat here!!

In the past few weeks I've at least been following the C25K plan- but tonight I even failed at that. I wasn't feeling it- but I went anyway. I was only able to finish half of the runs. During the third 90 second run I got a stitch in my side (that's what it's called when it feels like someone is stabbing you under the ribs with every breath...right?) and I felt like I was going to barf up my dinner (sorry-TMI). I had to walk the rest of the way home except for one dark and creepy area that I felt compelled to run through.

I will re-do Week 2 Day 3 tomorrow- but I'm disappointed that I couldn't finish it today. It's just one more thing to add to the list.

Sorry for the pity party- I just needed to get that out.

Thanks for reading!

9 comments:

  1. We all have off days! As long as you don't give up and you give a try again. I know you can do it!

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    1. Thanks Amanda. Unfortunately, I had an off week. I need some of your energy!

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  2. You're not a failure! I think nowadays, with kids especially, your priorities have shifted. I feel the same way: I want to lose weight, I want to be the epitome of organization, be the best manager, etc. It's a lot, and it's overwhelming. You're not alone, but please remember that you are NOT a failure. xoxox

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    1. The priorities thing is definitely true, but I think I need to learn to make myself more of a priority. Maybe if I can do that, other things will fall into place.

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  3. I feel like you a lot of the time. I want to give 100% to everything, but instead I end up over-extending myself. You're doing great with your journey to getting healthy...set-backs are totally normal. I know you can get back into it!!! Sending you supportive vibes :)

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  4. What you're feeling sounds very familiar. I was like that until recently...and to be honest I'm afraid of feeling that again. A combo of things helped get me out of that funk. One of the things was having a very supportive friend go through the weight loss/exercise part with me. I'm finding as I'm gaining control over that part of my life, I'm taking better control of the rest. It's still a work in progress, but every day seems to get better. Let me know if you want to talk - I'll give you my e-mail.

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    1. Thanks so much for your advice! I'd love to chat one day!

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  5. I can relate on so many levels. Sadly, we all have an idea of what perfection is in our heads. If we waiver from this, we feel we are failing. But in reality, we are not. We are winning, we all fight our daily struggles and guess what, we get up the following day to restart, refresh and get a do over. Keep your head up. I think over time all of the things you want will come. Just be happy with what you are now and remember it's just a season. It shall pass and a new season will come.

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Thanks for sharing with me!

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